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ClydeSight2.0!
Presents...
A Time Travel Clyde Mini-Epic!
THE IDIOCY AND THE ODDITY
(with apologies to Homer, the ancient Greek
Gods and Heroes,
and lovers of great literature everywhere!)
--Part II --
The ODDITY: An Epic Adventure!
Chapter Eighteen:
CLYDESSEUS UNBOUND
Clydesseus waited until the close of business to clean the suites, spending the
rest of that day exploring the much changed Palace, checking doors and hallways,
and taking a few naps. That evening, he cleaned like no maid has ever cleaned before.
He spent hours going though the books, checking all the files, and finally, exhausted
and totally upset, he hurried back to the Queen.
"Incredible!" he said as he entered the Queen's chamber, as easily as if
he lived there... for once, he had.
"What is, dear?" Queen Penelopuss asked, yawning absently. "Oh!"
She sat up at once upon seeing the maid. Then she relaxed and yawned. "For a
moment there, your voice sounded like that of my dear husband, Clydesseus."
"Must have been a trick of the light." Clydesseus offered.
"Huh?"
"Uhh.. well, you know. You're groggy, and..."
"Why did you leave so suddenly this morning?"
"When you gotta clean, you gotta clean." Clydesseus busied himself with
the kitty bed.
"Oh, I see." The Queen nodded.
"You know," Clydesseus commented absently, "it's incredible, but HissCorSunCo
is squeaky clean! I can't find any dirt on them!"
"Well, they do use a cleaning service." The Queen remarked.
"Oh.. no, I meant, in the legal sense. They are operating within the law. I
should change that law.."
"You, a maid!" The Queen laughed.
"Oh, no...I meant, you know, someone."
"There is no one who can save us now." The Queen sighed, returning to her
post by the window overlooking the sea.
"I went through all their files, I found nothing legally incriminating."
"Maybe they have hidden records?"
"No, I don't think so. I found a few 8-tracks, and this
really wonderful cassette, which I must admit, I had
to listen to a few times because the mewsic was SO good! But
the only vinyl was the floor."
"How very odd." The Queen mused.
Clydesseus continued thinking as he straightened the place up. The Queen was as untidy
as he remembered her, but now, cleaning for her was a joy because he could at least
be near her. He needed to get his kingdom back, and for that, he'd need, "...a
lawyer." He muttered out loud.
"What do you need a lawyer for?" Asked the Queen.
"Huh?" Clydesseus looked up. "Oh, never mind." He said.
"No, wait. If you're in trouble, at least I can help you. I may have failed
my country, but at least I can help one citizen. My son is a lawyer, I can get him
to lower his fee, if that will help." The Queen offered.
"Son!" Clydesseus jumped onto the kitty bed.
"Well, yes, of course, Telephoneous. He's due back this evening on the night
boat from a seminar in Bfcconia. He's a very good lawyer, he even has a degree from
their very fine Academy!"
"Wait, wait. The story going around says that Telephoneous was cursed by the
Sea God Poseidon and doomed to starve to death as a kitten. Is your son THAT Telephoneous?"
"Oh, that old tail!" The Queen laughed. "Well, that's what was SUPPOSED
to happen, and Poseidon did bop poor baby Telephoneous on the head with his rubber
trident, but the curse didn't stick."
"Why not?"
"It was a rubber trident. You know, 'I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say
bounces off of me and sticks to you.' I think that's how it works. I don't know that
much about magical spells. Anyway, the curse bounced off and fell harmlessly onto
the rug. It's amazing, tuna won't stain it!" the Queen explained. "I always
meant to thank Poseidon for that." She mused absently. "But He hasn't been
around, ever since Clydesseus left."
"The real Telephoneous... alive!" Clydesseus screamed, unable to contain
his joy.
"Of course." The Queen replied. "The way you carry on, one would think
you knew him."
Clydesseus calmed down, "Tell me about him. Is he handsome and strong, like
his father?"
"Oh yes, but he's not as dark. No, his coat is a shiny bright orange stripe!"
"Orange stripe..." Clydesseus mused in admiration. "And, what's he
like? Is he smart? Is he kind and good and wise? And is he..."
"Hold on, hold on!" Chastised the Queen. "What is this peculiar interest?
You're not one of his...don't tell me he..."
"Huh?... Oh, no, not that!" Clydesseus replied, having no idea what she
was trying to say, but figuring denial was a good tactic. "No, I'm just a fan.
The cleaning chapter. All of us maids love the legend of Telephoneous."
"So I have heard!" The Queen replied. "They can't call them 'maids"
after he gets through with them."
"Oh!" Clydesseus finally understood. "No, it's nothing like that.
I assure you, Telephoneous won't know me. But, if I could speak with him, you know
meet him, get his autograph maybe?"
"Of course, I can arrange it." The Queen doted. She admired the maid's
interest in her son, for she was very, very proud of him. He, and his accomplishments
were her only comfort.
They spent the next few hours waiting for Telephoneous to arrive. The Queen happily
recounted his progress from kittenhood, through his adolescence and young cathood,
pointing out every act of virtue, every kindness, every stroke of brilliance she
had seen in her son. And, yet she did not exaggerate.
"You see," she told Clydesseus, "I have always felt that I was responsible
for bringing him into the world, though I can't think how it happened. And so, I
strove for his every happiness by showering him with love, respect and affection,
and fully expecting the same in return. He did not disappoint me. As a perfectly
happy baby kitten and young cat, Telephoneous was always a joy to be with, and was
equally loving, respectful and affectionate."
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Telephoneous is played by Tommy the Tiger of Mark's Cats House. |
"Meowmie!" He squeaked as he rushed in, hardly noticing the maid. "I missed you meowmie!" He rubbed her chin with the top of his head, and she licked him in greeting. Then, turning to the maid, he said, "Hey Pop, when did you get home?"
"Huh!?" Both the Queen and Clydesseus sat straight up in the air.
"Love the dress! Very becoming. But, why are you wearing a maid's uniform? Oh, I get it, it must be Halloween! Trick or Treat!" He blithely remarked.
"You know me?" Clydesseus asked, quietly slipping off the maid's uniform, revealing his true self.
The Queen gasped and fainted flat out on the floor.
"Wow Pop, cool trick!" Telephoneous admired. "You gotta teach me how to do that!"
"Not now!" Clydesseus snapped as he rushed to the Queen's side and began licking her. She half opened her eyes and whispered but one word. "Clydesseus"
"Yes" The King replied, rubbing her ears and purring. "I have returned at last."
"I... " she staggered to her feet, her eyes wet with tears. For a moment, she sat wobbly before him, drinking in the vision of the husband who had left so long ago, and now had finally returned, completely unchanged by time. He was exactly as she remembered him because, well, he WAS exactly as she remembered him. Overcome by emotion, she let out a wail that echoed through the Palace. Then she leaned upon Clydesseus' breast and wept, wept for all the long years of isolation and loneliness, wept for all the heartache, and now the sudden release, the instant relief. The thread of hope had proved strong enough to stand the test of time. And sentimental metaphors were flying through her thoughts.
"But, Clydesseus," she sniffed, finally able to speak, "Oh, my love, why did you not reveal yourself to me before?"
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Tommy as Telephoneous |
"Oh, Pop, you've got to be kidding!" he squealed on the floor. "Anyone could see through that disguise!"
"Really Telephoneous? Your mother did not recognize me; no one has!"
"No, but... well, it seemed perfectly obvious to me!" The youth replied, getting up.
"Your trip... tell me quickly, how did you get here?" Clydesseus insisted.
"I took the evening commuter boat, of course." Telephoneous replied, puzzled.
"Ah ha! Poseidon!" Clydesseus said.
"Poseidon?" Both the Queen and Prince asked in unison, and just a little alarmed, for they remembered his curse.
"He gave you the gift of second sight. He must have! It was time for me to be revealed. But listen, we have got to keep this our little secret. Promise?"
"Well, sure Pop..." Telephoneous wondered. "But, you'll have to wear that dress again. I mean, without it, you do look an awful lot like you, you know?"
"You must be a lawyer, I didn't understand a word of that last sentence!" Clydesseus squealed in delight.
Queen Penelopuss rubbed against Clydesseus' side coyly. "Oh clever Clydesseus, what are you up to?"
"I've got a plan, and it involves you both. We must challenge the Olive Oil injunction. But I have to remain disguised, for the time being. If they discover me in private, I am doomed. I must be revealed in public, in court. So, you Penelopuss, will have to be my proxy. We need a lawyer. You, Telephoneous, are that lawyer."
"Gosh, Pop, I don't know. I mean, how would I figure out the fee?" His son asked.
"Telephoneous!" Queen Penelopuss corrected, shocked at his attitude. But Clydesseus shushed her, knowing that a true lawyer always charges a fee, even for family, in case he loses the case. He needs the money to post bail.
"Let's make it a contingency fee, shall we? You won't regret it." Clydesseus couldn't believe he was haggling price with his son.
"Fair enough. Now, just what did you have in mind?"
They spoke far into the night and on into the next day, making plans, designing a strategy, a strategy that would save a kingdom!
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